Water flowing downstream
Crashing
Crashing against boulders
Under the bridge
The water quickens
Rushing
Rushing towards the lake
Schools of fish swimming
Fighting
Fighting the current
Pouring
Pouring out into the lake
Waves crashing
Crashing against the shore
This is a really cool poem. You did very good at using the repetitve pattern and it made the peom sound really good when I read it.
ReplyDeleteI love this poem! I really like the way you use a repetitive pattern with you words--it has a unique sound to it. Maybe next time you could countinue the thought a little longer and create a larger poem. Overall, it is an excellent piece!
ReplyDeleteI love the pattern you used by stating the word, and then elaborating on it. It adds more time in between each idea, and it makes the effect of the whole poem more dramatic. The only thing I can see that needs improvement is the ending. It kind of ended abruptly without any sort of revealed meaning or anything. Otherwise it was a very beautiful poem.
ReplyDeleteI agree with what the others have said. The repetition really works here. Often people are mistaken about poetry, thinking that there needs to be a literal syntax to it; the truth couldn't be further from that. Your use of the repeating along with the shape invoke the falling water. Very cool.
ReplyDeleteFirst off I must say I love the title of your blog. That is a cool quote. Next what you did here was cool and I think that the repetition was nice it reminded me of a piece I made called rainforest, where you really accent one word. I really liked it nice job
ReplyDeleteWOW! This poem is great! I like the fact how you use one word then on the second line you used that word but then added onto the line! Nice repetitive! Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteAlex this poem is exellent! I like how you used the repetitive. I felt like this was telling a story of a journey. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHey Alex! I really like this poem... especially how you start each line with like the ending of the last... or what ever it starts with I like it... Keep up the really good writing!
ReplyDelete~Sammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm :)
I really like this poem!!! Like everyone else, I really like the repetative pattern that you used. Nice job Alex! :D
ReplyDeleteGood repetition. I like how you used descriptive words for one line and then added a sentence to it in the next.
ReplyDelete